Ask Vanna: "Why is it so hard to stay faithful and how can I keep from cheating?"

By Vanna B.

Question: "Why is it so hard to stay faithful and how can I keep from cheating?" – Karma, Philadelphia

Answer: This is a tough question that a lot of people seek the answer to. For many, being faithful in a relationship is as simple as making up their minds not to cheat. They vow to be faithful and maintaining that promise is something that comes naturally to them with ease.

Most of the people who do cheat don’t do it with the intention of hurting their significant others. But despite their intentions, they find themselves succumbing to temptation and carrying on an affair outside of their relationship. Their thoughts usually include something along the lines of, “She won’t find out,” or “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Still, even if your mate doesn’t find out, you may be left with a slew of resulting problems including guilt, feeling further distanced from your partner, or developing an ongoing, emotionally-involved affair with a side lover. Here are some tips to help you stay faithful to your mate.

Nip flirtation in the bud early on. Every relationship begins with flirting that often seems harmless. It is that same flirting that gets out of hand and later blossoms into lust and the desire to take things further. If you want to be faithful, you’ll have to learn to dismiss flirt attempts by letting them know you are not interested. If you find yourself flirting back, check yourself immediately.

Improve your relationship. Fix any problems that may exist (emotional, financial, communication, issues in the bedroom, etc.) Spend more time with your partner and less time in solitude. The vast majority of people cheat, not solely for sex, but because of emotional problems in their relationships. If your mate is doing something unsatisfactorily or lacking in some areas, communicate openly with them about it. Let them know what they can do better and give them a chance to improve.

Address underlying personal issues. Your significant other may be doing everything he/she is supposed to be doing. Perhaps you have your own issues that need fixing. Problems that may be contributing to you seeking attention elsewhere include stress, insecurity and – dare I say it – greed. (Yes, wanting to have your cake and eat it too.)

Seek professional help. If you’ve tried improving on every existing issue to no avail, don’t give up. You can always try talking with a specialist. You may not necessarily need to see a shrink, but a life coach or a relationship counselor may just be able to offer the insight and course of action you need.

If you’re truly unhappy and see no solution in sight, you may just want to stop stringing your mate along. If you’ve truly given your very best attempt at resisting the urge to cheat, sought counseling and still can’t seem to be faithful, consider getting out of your relationship. The single lifestyle just may suit you better for the time being.

Need advice? Have a question or problem you need insight on? E-mail me at: msvannab@yahoo.com.

Check out my Amazon best-selling novel, Fancy.

Vanna B.

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