My Ideal Woman

BY Barry Jones

Editor's Note: It's A Man's World featuring independent male bloggers is intended to go inside the minds of single men and give their unfiltered perspectives on dating and relationships. The views and opinions expressed in this blog are solely those of the blogger and do not reflect those of ESSENCE or ESSENCE.com. Meet our newest blogger, New Jersey native Barry Jones.

I'm starting to think this ideal woman thing is definitely a moving target, and harder to hit that I once thought. When I was in my early twenties, I wanted something completely different than what I want now. Does that mean that since I'm a little older, I'm settling or do I just have a clearer perspective on what I truly want?

So, here goes, first thing is, I just want to be able to talk to you. So I'm sure you're saying, "That's easy, I'm easy to talk to." But are you really? Can I tell you anything? Can I be myself and really say what's on my mind, even if it's hard for you to hear? Maybe my ideal woman is more of a friend. I've come to the conclusion that all our lives we're sold this fairytale formula of who and what the ideal woman should be. The ideal woman for me will understand that our relationship isn't defined by a marriage certificate, although I want to be married. She'd understand that my romance doesn't only exist on February 14^th, and doesn't live in a heart shaped box and come with grocery store flowers.

Some of the best times I had with past girlfriends were moments I could have had with my best friend. I used to think I needed to have this ultra successful woman as my partner but now I'd be just as happy if my significant other decided to be a stay at home mom and raise our children or be there to support me in my dreams. I know it sounds so old fashioned but behind every good man, there has to be a great woman.

I also used to think a woman who knew how to cook was an overrated skill. I used to think I can cook, and if not there are restaurants and guys who will bring pizza and Chinese food right to your door. This one might seem trivial but it's not. When a woman cooks for her man and her family it's so much different than a server in a restaurant who just brings you a plate of food. The preparation of food, to me, is an act of love. It could be that most men look for qualities in a mate that are similar to their mothers. I know that's not a novel idea either but it's true.

So, my ideal woman, would know who I am, what I'm passionate about, my dreams, my fears and the subtleties of my entire character, good and bad. She'd know when to stand behind me, beside me, and in front of me. She'd know when to break, when not to budge, when to let go, and when to stand strong. So don't compete with me just be with me.

I think by now most of us know we can't have it all. I say, trade ideal for real and then I can deal.

The views and opinions expressed in this blog are solely those of the blogger and do not reflect those of ESSENCE or ESSENCE.com.