Five Secrets to Rekindling the Flame After an Affair

By Florence Edwards

Photo provided by F.Edwards

You never thought he would do it. He swore he never would, but it happened. Your man had an affair, and now, your relationship is beyond rocky. Does it have to end or is there a way for you two to re-light that old fire?



Whether your man physically or emotionally cheated one time or numerous times, the pain and mistrust you feel can be devastating. The man you once believed would never hurt you has betrayed your trust and now you fear you can never love him or want him as you once did. Should you decide that your man is worth fighting for, there are a few ways you can re-ignite the passion and get the fires burning in the bedroom again.

1. Once a man cheats, many women lose their sense of self-esteem. Some women let themselves go after an affair because of anger/depression. In order to re-introduce the spark back into your life, start doing the things you did in the beginning of your relationship such as dressing sexy and taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To get the passion back you must feel confident and passionate about yourself first. The better you feel about you, the more your relationship will thrive.

2. Focus on the things you love about him, list them, and read them every day. Let’s face it. If you keep dwelling on your man indiscretions, your passion and love for him will wither and die. If you focus on why you got with him in the first place and focus on his lovable and sexy qualities, over time, you can rebuild the passion and love.

3. Avoid the “sad song fest.” I know Mary J. Blige and Jill Scott may be your favorite singers but to fend off the blues, stay away from songs about cheating or relationship break ups. This may affect your feelings for your man and may produce more anger as a result. If your intention is to recreate a passionate relationship with your man, listening to romantic songs or songs that promote love can help bring you and your man closer.

4. Limit conversations with your girlfriends or family members who bad talk your man. Venting can be a good way to release your pain, but the more you talk about your man’s affair, you will cause yourself to relive the old pain and anger. Avoid this because passion cannot thrive in pain or anger. If you need to vent, write in a journal but do not talk about or focus on your pain. As Iyanla Vanzant says, “What you focus on grows.”
If you continually focus on your pain, you will not get past it and the love and passion you want to experience will be absent in your relationship.

5. Get in touch with your spiritual side. An affair can wreak havoc on relationships even after years have gone by. In order to reconnect with your mate and heal the deep scars cheating can have on the heart, it can be beneficial to meditate or pray when the going gets tough.

There will be times throughout your relationship where your man will do something that triggers the pain of the affair.

During this time, calling on your higher power can give you the support you need to continue your relationship and help open your heart to love again. Ci Ci Foster is a relationship columnist and author of ‘Sunny Rain’. For more information, visit her website HERE
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Florence Edwards is a publicity writer and the CEO of Publicity 911, a "top-notch" Los Angeles based PR firm.

Edwards has enjoyed working with clients in all industries. Her primary interest is "working for gay and lesbian organizations and companies that are dedicated to giving back to their communities." 

Publicity 911 is a relatively new online publicity service dedicated to providing top-notch PR services at affordable prices. 

According to Edwards, “Publicity rates in this economy should be affordable, and I want to give my clients the services they need." 

Check out her web site for all your PR needs, including press releases, editing services, website copy, professional invitation letters, creation of profiles on social networking sites, blogs, ghostwriting and more. Visit 'Publicity-911' on Facebook