Photo credit/deviantart.netCruella De Vil.
The Wicked Witch of the West.
That crazy lady who boiled the bunny rabbit in "Fatal
Attraction."
Of all the female villains out there, there is none who
strikes fear in the hearts of all women quite like HER.
She is deceptive...
Conniving...
Trifling...
and more importantly, you know she doesn't love him, but she knows he has feelings for her and she's not above using that to string him along just because she can.
And she will let NOTHING stop her from getting what she wants.
She is... his EX GIRLFRIEND!
Whether she's responsible for breaking your boyfriend's heart
in the past, saddling him with enough emotional baggage to
fill your walk-in closet...or she's strung him along for so long, that it seems your man is brainwashed
Or - worse - SHE WANTS YOUR MAN BACK...
The Ex-Girlfriend, when not properly exorcised from your
boyfriend's life, can cause ALL kinds of problems.
So what can you DO to protect your relationship from
the Ex-Girlfriend?
The answer is simple: Nothing.
Well, nothing more than to be the best GIRLFRIEND you can be.
The truth is: begging, pleading, yelling, gossiping, bad-mouthing, crying, nagging and - every man's favorite -
issuing ultimatums - will do nothing but push your man away from you...Possibly into the arms of THE EX.
In my response, I explain why taking the high road can work to
everyone's advantage.
I once went through a very similar situation myself! Years ago, when my ex (we'll call him Brandon) and I
first met, he was coming off a nasty breakup with a woman who ripped his heart out and stomped on it. Still, we started dating and had an amazing 3 months, and all seemed to be going great.
Then one day, "Cruella the Ex" ran into a friend of Brandon's. The friend told the Ex ALL about this "amazing new girl"
that Brandon was dating and how happy he was. I'm sure you can guess what happened... the Evil Ex
got JEALOUS and decided that SHE wanted Brandon back. She contacted him and told him how much she'd missed him, she wanted to work things out, blah, blah, blah...
And that's when Brandon started to get CONFUSED. And I could feel him starting to PULL AWAY. At that point, I had three choices:
1) I could freak out on him, beg him to stay with me and
not see the ex.
2) I could tell him, "Hey, if you don't know how you feel
about me by now, well, then, forget it. Go back to your
ex for all I care. I'm done."
or
3) Give Brandon the space he needed to figure things out.
Now I opted for #3, but here's the important point...
I DID NOT SIT AROUND WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE UP HIS MIND.
I simply started dating other people. Mind you, I was already crazy about Brandon and wasn't really "into" any of the other guys I was going out with, but the important thing was that I was putting forth the effort to keep my options open.
Rather than sitting by the phone, waiting for Brandon to call me and tell me he'd made up his mind, I was getting out of the house, having fun, and meeting new people.
While Brandon was deciding how he felt about ME, I was taking that time to decide how I really felt about BRANDON!
It felt empowering to be mature enough to support Brandon's time-out to sort through his feelings. Especially because I refused to wait in the wings, all pathetic-like, just hoping he'd choose me. In fact, he was running the risk of losing me, so he'd better get his act together FAST!
Now there's a happy ending to my story, because all it took was one meeting over coffee with the Ex before Brandon realized that this woman:
A) Hadn't changed
B) Was simply stringing him along (like before)
C) That his "love" for her wasn't love, but that desire for something you didn't have much of and that just made you crazy and hungry for what you thought was so great.
Kinda like Eddie Murphy's statement in "Raw" If you're starving and somebody throws you a cracker, you'll think it's the best cracker you ever had.
After sitting across the table from her in Starbucks, Brandon knew for sure that the feelings he had for ME after 3 months were far more powerful than what he'd felt for The Ex he'd spent a year with. At that point, he could look her
straight in the eye and honestly tell her, with no second-guessing,"I'm sorry, but I've moved on and found someone else."
That day Brandon called me and asked me if we could get together to talk. He was so excited to tell me that he had finally closed that chapter in his past and now was fully committed to creating a future with me.
I still remember his exact words: he said, "When I walked out of that coffee shop and turned the corner to walk away from her, I felt like I was literally turning a corner in my life. I know what I want, and I want to have it with you."
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Now I can't say for sure how things will work out for you and your boyfriend, but here's what I hope you'll take away from my story:
If you really care about this man and are not ready to give upon him just yet, give him whatever time and space he needs to figure out what he wants. BUT, in the meantime, be sure to take that time and space to figure out what YOU need.
If things are meant to work out, they will.
And if not, well, you didn't waste any of your precious time waiting for him. And who knows... you may end up meeting the person who you REALLY were meant to be with instead.
Good luck to you all.
The Wicked Witch of the West.
That crazy lady who boiled the bunny rabbit in "Fatal
Attraction."
Of all the female villains out there, there is none who
strikes fear in the hearts of all women quite like HER.
She is deceptive...
Conniving...
Trifling...
and more importantly, you know she doesn't love him, but she knows he has feelings for her and she's not above using that to string him along just because she can.
And she will let NOTHING stop her from getting what she wants.
She is... his EX GIRLFRIEND!
Whether she's responsible for breaking your boyfriend's heart
in the past, saddling him with enough emotional baggage to
fill your walk-in closet...or she's strung him along for so long, that it seems your man is brainwashed
Or - worse - SHE WANTS YOUR MAN BACK...
The Ex-Girlfriend, when not properly exorcised from your
boyfriend's life, can cause ALL kinds of problems.
So what can you DO to protect your relationship from
the Ex-Girlfriend?
The answer is simple: Nothing.
Well, nothing more than to be the best GIRLFRIEND you can be.
The truth is: begging, pleading, yelling, gossiping, bad-mouthing, crying, nagging and - every man's favorite -
issuing ultimatums - will do nothing but push your man away from you...Possibly into the arms of THE EX.
In my response, I explain why taking the high road can work to
everyone's advantage.
I once went through a very similar situation myself! Years ago, when my ex (we'll call him Brandon) and I
first met, he was coming off a nasty breakup with a woman who ripped his heart out and stomped on it. Still, we started dating and had an amazing 3 months, and all seemed to be going great.
Then one day, "Cruella the Ex" ran into a friend of Brandon's. The friend told the Ex ALL about this "amazing new girl"
that Brandon was dating and how happy he was. I'm sure you can guess what happened... the Evil Ex
got JEALOUS and decided that SHE wanted Brandon back. She contacted him and told him how much she'd missed him, she wanted to work things out, blah, blah, blah...
And that's when Brandon started to get CONFUSED. And I could feel him starting to PULL AWAY. At that point, I had three choices:
1) I could freak out on him, beg him to stay with me and
not see the ex.
2) I could tell him, "Hey, if you don't know how you feel
about me by now, well, then, forget it. Go back to your
ex for all I care. I'm done."
or
3) Give Brandon the space he needed to figure things out.
Now I opted for #3, but here's the important point...
I DID NOT SIT AROUND WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE UP HIS MIND.
I simply started dating other people. Mind you, I was already crazy about Brandon and wasn't really "into" any of the other guys I was going out with, but the important thing was that I was putting forth the effort to keep my options open.
Rather than sitting by the phone, waiting for Brandon to call me and tell me he'd made up his mind, I was getting out of the house, having fun, and meeting new people.
While Brandon was deciding how he felt about ME, I was taking that time to decide how I really felt about BRANDON!
It felt empowering to be mature enough to support Brandon's time-out to sort through his feelings. Especially because I refused to wait in the wings, all pathetic-like, just hoping he'd choose me. In fact, he was running the risk of losing me, so he'd better get his act together FAST!
Now there's a happy ending to my story, because all it took was one meeting over coffee with the Ex before Brandon realized that this woman:
A) Hadn't changed
B) Was simply stringing him along (like before)
C) That his "love" for her wasn't love, but that desire for something you didn't have much of and that just made you crazy and hungry for what you thought was so great.
Kinda like Eddie Murphy's statement in "Raw" If you're starving and somebody throws you a cracker, you'll think it's the best cracker you ever had.
After sitting across the table from her in Starbucks, Brandon knew for sure that the feelings he had for ME after 3 months were far more powerful than what he'd felt for The Ex he'd spent a year with. At that point, he could look her
straight in the eye and honestly tell her, with no second-guessing,"I'm sorry, but I've moved on and found someone else."
That day Brandon called me and asked me if we could get together to talk. He was so excited to tell me that he had finally closed that chapter in his past and now was fully committed to creating a future with me.
I still remember his exact words: he said, "When I walked out of that coffee shop and turned the corner to walk away from her, I felt like I was literally turning a corner in my life. I know what I want, and I want to have it with you."
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Now I can't say for sure how things will work out for you and your boyfriend, but here's what I hope you'll take away from my story:
If you really care about this man and are not ready to give upon him just yet, give him whatever time and space he needs to figure out what he wants. BUT, in the meantime, be sure to take that time and space to figure out what YOU need.
If things are meant to work out, they will.
And if not, well, you didn't waste any of your precious time waiting for him. And who knows... you may end up meeting the person who you REALLY were meant to be with instead.
Good luck to you all.
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