By Nika C. Beamon, forward by Dr. Bella DePaulo
Reviewed by A. Jarrell Hayes
People are single for a reason. The causes and reasons are as unique as the single person in question. However, people are bombarded with statistics quite frequently, but rarely with reasons and causes – especially when concerning single, successful, black women; or the reasons given are based on a few select women and given as a generalized overview.
In the book I Didn’t Work This Hard Just To Get Married: Successful Single Black Women Speak Out, author Nika C. Beamon goes beyond the numbers and gets answers from black women about why they are single. The women featured in this book include actress and comedienne Kim Coles and movie producer Effie T. Brown. Though their stories are different, there is one similarity in the attitudes of each woman: they are happily single.
That’s a powerful statement: to be happily single. That idea of being secure as a single, successful, independent black woman is reiterated throughout the book by the different women; sometimes in the same language, often in different words. It shows a multitude of paths on the journey of self-awareness and happiness.
The women are diverse in opinion and experience. There are single mothers, divorcees, and never-married childless women that share their stories of how they became happily single. Some of the women are religious, while others are less so or have non-traditional views on being a woman, sex, and relationships. All of the women are breaking down barriers in their careers, and are doing so while breaking through stereotypes and societal beliefs concerning single women.
In the book I Didn’t Work This Hard Just To Get Married: Successful Single Black Women Speak Out, author Nika C. Beamon goes beyond the numbers and gets answers from black women about why they are single. The women featured in this book include actress and comedienne Kim Coles and movie producer Effie T. Brown. Though their stories are different, there is one similarity in the attitudes of each woman: they are happily single.
That’s a powerful statement: to be happily single. That idea of being secure as a single, successful, independent black woman is reiterated throughout the book by the different women; sometimes in the same language, often in different words. It shows a multitude of paths on the journey of self-awareness and happiness.
The women are diverse in opinion and experience. There are single mothers, divorcees, and never-married childless women that share their stories of how they became happily single. Some of the women are religious, while others are less so or have non-traditional views on being a woman, sex, and relationships. All of the women are breaking down barriers in their careers, and are doing so while breaking through stereotypes and societal beliefs concerning single women.
The women in the book claim not to be bitter or fall into the “angry black woman” stereotype. However, the beginning couple of sections featured woman that seem to harp on the idea that there aren’t any good black men worth dating – an opinion that Beamon is ready to supply statistics to support. It could be that the women were simply relating experiences from past relationships, but there is a hint that some might have – or are close to – given up on black men in general.
True, men do have to share some of the burden of why women who want to eventually marry (the right guy) are left unmarried. Many men aren’t marriage material, or they don’t want to marry. This book isn’t about men, though; it’s about women taking shape and control of their relationship status without feeling the need to be tied to a man. It’s about women taking responsibility for their lives – and the lives of their children.
Most of the childless women in the book express a desire to become mothers, with or without a man. At first, it might appear that the need to procreate or sow wild oats isn’t unique to the male species; but some of the ladies do point out that if they are unable to find a suitable father for the child, they would not be opposed to adoption. For many of the women, the attitude is: biological clock be damned; the maternal instinct won’t wait for the right man.
This book is good for women who are happily single and need to know that there are others like her; or women who aren’t happily single or in a bad relationship and want to get to the place of self-reliance and self-esteem the women in the book have reached. Men will also find this book useful, because they are able to get insight into the mind of successful black women without having to ask many of the tough questions themselves.
However, men should ask their potential mate the questions anyways. If this book shows the reader anything, it’s that every woman’s reason for being single and attitude towards singlehood is different from the next woman.
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